Guest Blogger Entry No. 2 - THC

Alright. Before we get started, a little something for the ladies.




So imagine that, but with no life vest, and you can see why N loves these trips so much. Now that we've all gotten 100% of our USFDA recommended weekly allowance of beefcake, let's move on to how these trips actually work.

The night before.
THC, who has already called ahead and made sure the river is runable and reserved a canoe from outfitter: "Don't you want to go ahead and pack? 9:30 comes around quick."
NKC: "No. I can do it in the morning. Jeez. I'm a good packer. I'll get up early. "
THC: "Right. "

Next Morning. 9:10
THC: "Ahh crap. Get up. Get up now."
NKC: "Wha...? GO away."
THC leaps out of bed and throws on a bathing suit and shirt. THC then starts assembling everything for the trip including, but not limited to, flip-flops, towels (dog and human), clean shirt and pants, Tevas, sunscreen of various varieties, sunglasses, various hats, dog collars, dog treats, dog food in little baggies, tote bags...

9:15
NKC, from beneath her pillow: "God you're noisy. What's your problem? "
THC: "It's going to be hard steering that canoe by myself without your fat head to weigh down the front."

THC continues assembling nessesary items such as cooler, sodas, beer, water, chips, Funyuns, mustard flavored pretzel chips, dog leashes....

9:21.
NKC, holding up some bikini bottoms: "Do these look all saggy on me? "
THC: "Are you f-ing kidding me?"
NKC: "Here, I'm packing," as she drops some underwear into the tote bag.

9:28.
THC, cursing as he loads all above items into back of car.
NKC: "Did you feed the dogs? "
THC: Dark thoughts.

9:37.
THC, who has been in the car with two dogs in the garage for five minutes already: "Son of a bitch. What the hell is she doing?"
NKC, to herself as she looks in the mirror: "If I just pluck these few eyebrows, they'll be even. There. No. Wait. now I need to do this side again. Jeez, I wonder where THC is?"
THC, who comes in, sees this scene and starts to bleed from the ears.

9:46. Several miles down the highway, as THC fumes.
NKC: "Did you bring the dog shampoo?"
THC: "The f-ing dog shampoo? Are you serious?"
NKC: "Of course I'm serious. How are we going to wash the dogs with no dog shampoo? I can't believe you didn't think to bring it. We have to turn around."
THC: "How about I jerk the wheel into a bridge abuttment and kill us all? How about that for a solution to the no-dog-shampoo crisis? Sounds good to me."

It's not the coffee that makes me sweat.

The trips themselves are pretty great. There's swimming and tree climbing and nature and all kinds of good shit. If you wondered how the canoe with a cooler two people and two retarded dogs makes it six miles down the river maybe this picture will help.



And if you've ever wondered why I go on these trips, aside from the fact that I get to hope Houston has burned to the ground while I was away for the day, here's why.



Good times.