Warning: Taboo Subject

And now for a topic so shocking, so controversial, that doting parents across the country will most likely explode in an inferno of anti-ThisPartySucks blog hatred, a la the Middle East pretty much every day of the week.    So what is this most unmentionable of topics, this Last Taboo?   Ugly Children.  

                                                  Like this little monster.  Paging Dr. Moreau.

That’s right.   You know what I’m talking about.   Embarrassing, cringe inducing ugly little children.   You’ve just never had the guts to tackle this searing topic.   But they’re out there- at pools, birthday parties, friend’s houses: repulsive little kids.   Kids with smushed up faces, mismatched ears and creeping streams of green snot.     Little girls that look like Steve Buscemi.     Unloveable.    All little kids are supposed to be cute and adorable- but they’re not.     There’s some truly frightening little kids out there.    And it’s time to talk about them.

Before we start, I want to draw a very clear line between ugly kids and weird looking but awesome kids.    While it’s debatable as to which category I fell into as a child, there’s a clear distinction and only one is acceptable.     The feral kid from Mad Max, referenced earlier in this blog, would be a prime example of weird looking but awesome.     You see these kids occasionally, and generally, their parents acknowledge their bizarre appearance, so it doesn’t get all awkward.     

For example, NKC has cousin back east whose 2 year old is a spitting image of Luther Htoo.   Who is Luther Htoo, you ask?   He’s that little badass smoking the cigarette.   

                      

Undeniably weird looking, but cool as shit, and a pioneer in the automatic-weapons-for-grade-schoolers Montessori movement.    Oh, and he had his own army.    At age nine.      Also, Johnny Depp will be playing his brother in the movie, “Htoo’s Company.”     But I digress.

Perhaps closer to the line is the case of a friend of mine who has a daughter with translucent skin and a cascading white bowl cut, and looks for all the world like a three foot tall clone of the albino from "Princess Bride."   

                                            To be fair, she also looks a lot like Courtney Love.

   

And yet, because the albino was good in the movie, and seeing a albino is good luck (although not as good luck as seeing a midget, or the Holy Grail of good luck, sidling up to a midget and ever so subtly touching him) I put her in the weird-looking but awesome kids category.   

So that leaves us with the truly nasty children, total shitstorms of unlovable repulsiveness.   This post has gone on too long, so tune in for the second part, which I will post just as soon as I find a picture of NKC from 1978.