SH*t My Wife Eats

The people have spoken.   (Thanks Amy).  I will be guest blogging, so strap in for some awesome.  

First, if this is disjointed, it's because I am writing while NKC and GHC watch the Redskins game.   NKC thought five months would be an appropriate time to introduce GHC to a lifetime of unwatchable football, mind numbing mediocrity and bone-crushing disappointment.   GHC wore her Redskins onesie about 4 minutes before chundering on it, which I found to be appropriate and prophetic.

Second, let me address some rumors regarding my eating habits.    For the record, every one of those things   the wife listed are real, and everyone of them is f$#^$%^ing kick ass.    You are all lesser people for not having tried them.   Truly, I pity your empty lives.    But perhaps the larger issue in that NKC should not be writing about suspect eating habits, for fear of calling attention to her own.  

The day NKC wrote about the "Sh*t I Eat," she had a big bowl of spicy ramen noodles.    For breakfast.    And this is not uncommon.    As some of you may have noticed, my wife is Asian.   Korean, specifically, as it turns out.    Being an active, practicing Korean person automatically disqualifies one from writing snarky articles about other people's diets.      When your main national dish is cabbage fermenting to the point of rotting (Kim Chi), you probably need to pipe down.    Having been to Korea, I can report that there are only two types of food they eat- noodles and squid.    Korean noodle technology is light years ahead of ours, allowing them to enjoy a rainbow of noodle based favors, ranging from mild to Liquid Death.   There is no meal that noodles are not appropriate for.   And there's no form of overcooked veggie or salty meat they won't add to it, such as squid, aka Nature's noodle.

As for NKC specifically, Thanksgiving at her house is like the season finale of Fear Factor.    Legions of  nattering aunties gather around to see what whitey (myself or my brother) will eat off the buffet, gasping and snickering as we gobble up all kinds of unpronounceable sh*t.    I swear they put out at least one dish that is totally not made of food items, like chopped up phone cords with hoisin sauce, just to see if we eat it.  (Spoiler: we do.)  NKC loves all this stuff, the rawer and spicier the better.    And if she could find a way to make Cheeto flavor squid noodles, she would never eat anything else.

Of course, the elephant in the room is the fact that Koreans have a reputation for eating dog.   Delicious, tasty dog.    They will all tell you no one does that in modern Korean, but its an act.   I'm probably not supposed to tell anyone this, but last year we were at a fancy restaurant in Seoul, and I watched NKC polish off half a deep fried Cocker Spaniel.     To fit in, I tried a little of the baked Labradoodle, but I found it a little overbred and pretentious.  

I've said too much.   I'm pretty sure NKC's dad, who is a ninja, will been paying me a visit.    But at least the record is set straight.