DUFFY

I don’t claim to know much about child psychology, or any other aspect of parenting of that matter, but I do know invisible friends are pretty common. I’m less sure of the existence of invisible enemies, one of which you seem to have acquired a couple of months ago. His name is Duffy.

He came into being one day when there was some minor issue, maybe spilled milk, or something. When we asked what happened, without blinking, you said, “Duffy did it.”

This became a common refrain around the house. But he started branching out into more nefarious crimes. When we would ask why you hadn’t put your shoes on yet – “Duffy was pushing me.” Why are you crying – “Duffy said I wasn’t the prettiest.” Etc.. Basically, Duffy’s a dick.

From what I can gather, Duffy is a very small man-bug who wears pants and has wings. Only you can see Duffy, and you can only see Duffy when he’s doing something bad, which is most of the time. Also, Duffy has big feet and a passion for kicking stuff. Over a several week period, Duffy’s behavior escalated as follows:
- Duffy copied you.
- Duffy kicked Ollie at recess.
- Duffy went to my work and kicked a police man.
- Duffy went to my work and kicked The Judge (you seem to think there is only one, like God.)
- Duffy went to Ollie’s house and kicked a hole in it.
- Duffy went to Chik-fil-A and kicked a hole in the wall and put his feet in the chicken and the pink sauce.
  - Duffy went to my office and kicked down the building (which would be fine with me.)

But, it seems that Duffy’s reign of terror might be drawing to a close. After a few conversations with your mother about using your “true words” when assigning blame for various broken items around the house, Duffy seems to have had an accident. This weekend, when we were blowing bubbles out in the courtyard, you spotted Duffy hiding in a nearby azalea bush. He was waiting to come kick over the bubble soap, but just before he made his move, a neighbor pulled out of their garage and ran him over. There was man-bug juice everywhere. Apparently, it was a pretty gruesome scene, but you recovered quickly.

I kind of hope he pulls through, because he was, if nothing else, entertaining. It’s also fascinating to watch you unknowingly recognize and bundle the darker side of being a human into something you can get your head around. Long live Duffy.