Six Weeks - Doing OK

It's been a while since I last posted -- as you can imagine, things here have been busy.   Actually, busy is an understatement and misleading - it's total chaos.

Naturally, my thoughts are also all over the place.  I only have a few quiet moments to get this down, so pardon any lack of cohesion.

First, let's talk about T4...  I am totally in love with this kid.  Actually, love is an understatement -- I am obsessed with him.  Of course, that's not to say he's a great baby.  To all the people who promised us - "Oh, your second baby will be easy!", we want our money back.  He's got problems.  Nothing like GHC, but not exactly the cake walk we had hoped for.

If I had blogged more in T4's early days, you would have been shocked to find that he started out as an easy baby.  At first, nursing was looking like it was working out; he ate like a champ; and he almost never cried.  And for a second, I let myself believe we were going to be fine.

But, there's that old saying, if something seems too good to be true...

About a week in, T4 started getting fussier... and the wheels started to come off.  Nursing started to go awry and the tell-tale signs of acid reflux started to rear their ugly head.  Sound familiar?  Oh, wait, this was the EXACT same train wreck we had with GHC.

And just as we had hung our head in defeat, GHC decided that NOW would be the perfect time to start into daily tantrums/meltdowns and to get sick for the 3rd time in 6 weeks.

At this point, you would probably expect to find me locked in the closet rocking myself in the fetal position.  Luckily (knock on wood), for now, I'm actually doing OK in spite of our less-than-ideal circumstances.  I'm not exactly sure why.   Maybe it's because I haven't had the flood of crazy hormones/depression like I did last time.   Maybe it's having more self-confidence as a mom.  Maybe it's knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel - that the hard days are limited.  Or maybe it's because this baby looks like a Korean Cabbage Patch Kid.

But being OK is a far cry from being able to say everything is great.  Of course, I'm insanely tired.  Of course, I'm still jealous of all of my friends who got "easy" babies.  Of course, I have an unfairly short-fuse with my husband.  And of course, I'm lonely during the long days at home staring at a newborn.

But at the end of every long night or lonely day, I remind myself of the sadness, resentment, and inadequacy I felt trying to get here.  And that small reminder immediately helps me realize that this time and place is infinitely happier and more hopeful than it was a year ago.

So yeah, it's no where close to perfect.  But I don't have any clue what perfect feels like anyway.  All I know is that we are doing OK, and that is good enough for now.

More chins than a Chinese phone book.  (Hey, I'm allowed to make those jokes)

GHC making fun of T4.  And thus begins a lifetime of mockery.

My favorite photo so far... until I noticed the stripes and the unflattering thing it did to T4's nether regions... to avoid being overly crude, I'll offer a mere reference to a large desert animal with humps.

Annoyed that he has to babysit again.