Troll Infestation

One of the more important aspects of your home life right now is that you are dealing with a serious troll infestation.    Given the circumstances, I think you are handling it with amazing class and, yes, grace.    

 

Here it is in it's natural habitat.

 

We’ve determined that his particular troll seems to be a forest troll, known for being generally more agreeable than cave trolls, but still quite disgusting.   You’ve been very diligent about making sure it feels welcome in our house, despite all the times it pokes you, bites you, steals your Peely, showers you with chewed food, wakes you up with its crying, craps in the tub while you are bathing, etc….   For this, your mother and I thank you.   

Daddy is less forgiving.   

This particular troll’s dislikes include shoes, socks, adequately chewing his food, that little shit in his class Tate, bathing, and automatic car washes.     It likes (very vocally) birds, pancakes, Diego, snails, monster trucks, yogurt, Hot Wheels cars, snacks, ice cream, the UPS and garbage trucks, hot dogs, and all manner of lizards.   

 

Because he's always soaking up the sun in the same spot,

you named Troll's favorite lizard "Mr. Warmy Pants."

 

 

 

But mostly, he just loves his big sister.  

And honestly, who wouldn't?